“Love one another,” “Treat others as you would be treated,” “Love your neighbor as yourself” “Be merciful as your Father in heaven is merciful” “Love your enemy, do good to those who hate you”— Jesus was clear, that loving those around us is our most important task, apart from being faithful to God. And yet, it is funny how we often take our relationships for granted (unless we are dating someone we really like). We assume that we treat everyone fairly and with love—even though sometimes it is “tough love”—and we expect to be treated fairly in return.
However, dealing with people is the most difficult task imaginable—just ask God, He has a terrible time with it! Jesus told us that our relationships should be a major priority in our lives just because they would be so difficult to maintain! Jesus didn’t tell us to treat everyone with fairness, but with love and humility. And this means, often, that we need to set aside our own ideals and focus on someone else’s needs and goals. We cannot love if we are just thinking about being “fair” in relationships. To love we must sacrifice and reach out.
1. Meet others needs
When Jesus taught about love, he did not mean that love is a feeling, or a response, or a particular kind of relationship. Rather, when Jesus said, “love” he meant an action. To love is to act in the other person’s benefit, whatever that means. And the most basic way of doing what will help another person is to make an attempt to meet their needs. This is why when Scripture talks about Christian duty, it describes feeding the poor, visiting the sick and welcoming the stranger. Because loving means seeing the need and doing your best to meet it.
But we also need to recognize that people need more than bread and clothes. Jesus himself did much more than meet people’s physical needs—although that was a big part of what he did. Fundamentally, people feel that they have the following needs:
• Survival—Having one’s basic needs met, such as hunger, sleep and health
• Security—Feeling safe from what one fears
• Inner Peace—A sense of contentment with life
• Pleasure—Enjoyment and laughter
• Honor—A sense of being significant to others
• Society—Feeling a part of others and communicating with them
There are other needs that we have—a relationship with God, understanding significant truths, a sense of being a “good person”, but we don’t always feel these needs. The six above we feel almost every day at one point or another, and they deeply control our sense of well-being and color our perception of everything around us. When Jesus met needs, he recognized that people not only needed their “survival” needs met, but also the other ones. Especially in his teaching, he wanted people to feel secure, to have peace, to have joy, to gain honor and to be a part of a good society.
Even so, when we are looking to meet people’s needs, we need not only look at survival needs, although those are foundationally important. But we must also remember to give people respect, to ease people’s fears, to help them laugh and enjoy themselves, to just communicate with others. In doing all of this, we are loving. And all of it is acting in love.
2. Be Humble
Perhaps when you picked up this tract, you thought, “Oh good—I’ve got a lot of idiots I’m supposed to love.” However, the most important lesson Jesus taught us in loving others is “the first shall be last and the last first.” If we really want to love others, the first step is to remember that, more often than not, WE are the idiots, not the people around us. Rather than thinking, “I wish so-and-so could read this tract,” you need to take responsibility for your own idiocy in relationships. If we are really going to love, we need to be humble. How can we do that?
• If a mistake was made, give others the benefit of the doubt
• Take blame upon yourself, instead of pushing it on others
• Focus on what other’s need, not yourself
• If changes need to be made in communication, take as much responsibility on yourself as you can
• Pray for other’s blessing—especially those you are in conflict with
If we place ourselves in the giving position, then we will find that we can actually deserve the honor we might expect others to give to us—whether we get it or not. Most importantly, assume that the other person is trying to be as good and as polite as they can. You may feel that they are acting rude or badly or stupidly. But, chances are, they are not. They are just trying to meet their needs, just like you are.
3. Recognize differences in communication
Another way we can be humble is to recognize that, more often than not, the people around us are not idiots, or jerks, or rude, but they have different communication patterns than we do. If we see someone who looks like an immigrant come up to us and speak loudly in a foreign language, waving his hands, we would not think he was rude, but that he just didn’t have the same customs that we do. But if we see someone speak to us in our language, with our accent, speaking loudly and waving her hands, we would think that she is rude, or possibly have some mental problems. But some people grow up in situations in which speaking loudly (or quietly) and using expansive gestures (or using none at all) is normal, and they are just trying to speak to us normally. We do not feel that it is normal at all—we feel that it is rude, or that they have a problem with us. But often it is not that case at all. We have to take account of other’s different way of speaking.
For instance, different people have a different sense of how long one must pause to allow another person to speak. If one person expects people to talk over her, then she might not give anyone else a chance to speak, and so feel that no one is interested in what she is talking about, because no one is responding. On the other hand, another person might feel that she is hogging up all the time to speak because she won’t stop for a few seconds so they can chime in. Neither person is rude, they just don’t understand how the other person communicates.
There are many kinds of communication differences: How much space to give another person when talking, how direct or indirect one’s requests should be, what kind of touching is appropriate between people, how people should apologize, and how a conversation should begin. Instead of assuming others are “idiots”, perhaps we should try their kind of communication with them and see if they respond positively to it.
4. Respond Positively to Interactions
Every time we communicate with others, we may have as many as a hundred interactions with them in ten minutes. With everything people say to us, we are reacting—even if we think we are giving a neutral or a non-response. With every bit of communication, we either respond with them—on their side—against them or just ignoring them. In a positive relationship, up to 9 out of 10 responses will be positive. If even four out of ten of the responses one gives is offensive or ignoring the other, then the relationship is rapidly going downhill, and may never recover unless something is done.
A negative response to someone doesn’t mean that you can’t disagree with them. On the contrary, two people could be having a conflict, but their reactions are positive toward each other. It is HOW they disagree. If they keep the conversation upbeat, break the heavy discussion with humor sometimes, always show respect for the other person and the relationship, then even a conflict can be a positive relationship. However, if a conversation is characterized by biting sarcasm, insults, outbursts of anger, threats, treating the other like a child, or simply ignoring what another person says, then that conversation will tear down the relationship.
In loving others, we need to work on our communication, so we always try to respond positively. This does not mean just ending the conversation on an upbeat note, but trying to communicate in a positive way throughout the conversation. This can be difficult, and we can make many mistakes along the way, but with God’s help we can do it—even to those who have hurt us.
5. Find the True Meaning behind the Words
None of us means what we say. Most of our communication is a parable of what we really mean. We often ask “how are you?”, but we almost never are looking for a doctor’s diagnosis. A husband may say “I love you,” but not at that moment feel a surge of emotion for his wife. Our child may say, “I don’t feel good,” but they might just be emotionally hurt, not having a physical ailment. Even so, quite a bit of our words have meaning that is not stated directly in the words we used.
And it isn’t only words. I could say, “My mother in law is coming to visit,” and depending on the look on my face or my tone of voice, I would communicate to you whether I liked that idea or not. But if you didn’t understand my non verbal communication—you heard disgust in my voice when I was trying to communicate with my face happy anticipation—then we will get our wires crossed and spend time trying to unravel the miscommunication.
Or we might get into a conflict with another person, and we can argue about the silliest things—whether the sky is actually sky blue or not—whatever. But if we get into a conflict, often the conflict is not about what we are directly discussing. Perhaps the argument is about how one communicates. Or it could be about a long-held ideal or dream that hasn’t been communicated yet. And the conflict could go on eternally without resolution, because the true meaning of the conflict hasn’t yet been discussed.
If the person we are communicating with understands our indirect communication, fine, no problem. However, every time we use indirect communication, we are taking the chance that the other person might misunderstand. And then we don’t understand what they misunderstood because we communicated as clearly as we could—or so we thought.
We need to do our best to get behind the simple meaning of the words. And how do we do this? We ask. We tell the other person what they think they meant by a face or an argument, and give them a chance to explain in a different way.
6. Listen Carefully
Jesus told us that we must “Be careful how you listen.” It is never enough to just listen, but we must listen in a way that communicates. Even our listening communicates a reaction to what others say. And how we listen can either meet others needs or tear them down.
If we do not look like we are listening to the other person, then they think we are ignoring them and they are not important to us. One person may expect someone to look at her when she is talking, but her partner may need to look at the floor to concentrate. Even if he can repeat everything she said, she will still not feel listened to, but ignored. When listening, we need to show that we are interested, in the best way we can, in the way the person we are listening to understands.
We might ask questions, but not too many. We might make listening “noises” like “uh huh”, but not too often. We might nod, but not too excitedly. If we do not do these things enough, the other will think that we are ignoring them. But if we do these things too much, then the other person will think that we are not trying to listen, but to take over the conversation. We must find the right balance for each person.
The most important part of listening in love is two things: First, don’t be trying to force your agenda on the other person. Let them say what they need to say. Second, do your best to give them your full attention. Because we live in a society in which everyone feels that everyone is too busy to listen, this is the best gift that anyone can give.
(Thanks to the work of John M Gottman and Deborah Tannan)
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Does God Give Prosperity?
What is prosperity doctrine?
It is the teaching that the normative Christian life is being wealthy, healthy and successful in the world. To live a life of poverty, illness or dishonor is to lack faith or righteousness. It is not the same as charismatic or Pentecostal teaching, which teaches that the Holy Spirit’s power is just as strong in the world today as it was in the first century. Prosperity doctrine connects the Spirit’s power with always being healthy, and always having the blessings of this world. While the Spirit is just as powerful as he ever was, and heals just as strongly as he ever did, does this mean that the Spirit desires believers to be always healthy, always rich and always popular?
Is There a Biblical Basis for Prosperity Doctrine?
There certainly is. Many prosperity doctrine teachers use the Bible, especially many Old Testament passages, to support their concept. Isaiah 53:5 and II Chronicles 7:14 certainly speaks about God healing sicknesses through prayer and the sacrifice of Jesus. And there is a strong theme throughout the OT of God providing prosperity for those who are righteous, whether it be a nation or an individual. Among the passages that indicate this are: Deuteronomy 28:11; Psalm 25:12-13; Proverbs 13:21 and Zechariah 1:17.
However there is an equally strong, but seemingly opposing theme in the OT of the righteous suffering illness, calamity, persecution and tragedy of no fault of their own, but even especially because they were righteous. Stephan in Acts 7 and Hebrews 11 both give a long list of righteous people whose lives were surrounded by tragedy. The Psalms as well are full of many cries of the righteous to deliver them from trouble that the righteous did not cause. The book of Job in and of itself repeats again and again that disease and calamity in a person’s life is not an indication of their lack righteousness or faith.
Of course, prosperity teachers understand that most people do go through periods of tribulation, poverty and ill health, but they also teach that for the person who has perfect faith in Christ that such difficulties would be behind them forever. The completely righteous person in Christ would never again have to suffer in such a way.
One problem with their teaching even from the OT is that when the Scripture speaks of “prosperity” it does not mean material wealth as we have today. Rather it describes prosperity as being abundance of produce and cattle, enough to eat, enough clean water to drink, a community which worships God, peace from enemies and contentment. It does not anywhere speak of the abundance of wealth and the comparative economic plenty in comparison with 99 percent of the rest of the world that prosperity doctrine teachers promote. (I Timothy 6:8)
Another issue is that when the OT speaks of healing, it is done in the context of forgiveness from judgment. If the nation of Israel disobeys the covenant at Sinai, then God would visit upon them the diseases that he put upon Egypt. But if they return to Him, then he will heal them, and He will be their healer. It does not ever give a carte blanche healing for all diseases that might come upon a person. (Exodus 15:26; Deuteronomy 28; Isaiah 57:16-21; Jeremiah 3:22)
What Does Jesus Say?
Jesus himself knew of the two theological ideas in the OT—the righteous would prosper and the righteous would suffer. He did not deny one part to take up the other, but joined them together into a unity. He claimed that the righteous would suffer in this age, which is under the control of Satan and humans under the thumb of Satan. The characteristics of the righteous at this time, Jesus says, is poverty, lowliness, persecution, mourning, and the deep desire for justice to come. And, Jesus says, it is exactly these who suffer now that the blessings of prosperity would be offered to these in the coming kingdom of God. In the kingdom, these who suffered would receive justice, happiness, peace, authority, safety and wealth. Thus, Jesus says, both themes in the OT are true—the righteous will suffer now and in order to enact justice for them, God will give them wealth and prosperity in the future when the kingdom comes. On the contrary, those who have a good life now—wealth, success, popularity—cannot expect to receive these blessings in God’s kingdom. (Matthew 3:3-12; Luke 6:20-26; Matthew 10:24-42; Mark 8:34-37)
Is this in agreement with the rest of the New Testament?
The rest of the New Testament is in agreement with Jesus. It is, James says, the poor who will receive the blessings of God, while the rich will be left empty (James 1:9-11; 2:5; 5:1-5). One of the characteristics of faith, says the writer of Hebrews, is not receiving what one expects, but believing in that expectation anyway and persevering in faith (Hebrews 11:32-12:4).
One of the best examples we have of this is the apostle Paul. Paul and his evangelists suffered all kinds of tribulations—illness, persecution, shipwrecks, sleeplessness, hard labor, constant danger, hunger, poverty, cold, imprisonments and much more. Yet he boasted in all this suffering, knowing that it is the suffering that grants him security in Christ, not wealth or popularity. (Philippians 2:25-27; Galatians 4:13; II Corinthians 11:21-30; Philippians 4:11-12; II Timothy 4:6-8.)
Thus, it is the entire New Testament that is in agreement with Jesus about the righteous being characterized for a time by suffering, while later they will receive security and wealth in the kingdom of God.
Is That All?
Some might say, “Is this all about what one expects out of the Christian life? So what’s the big deal? Some Christians receive poverty and some are wealthy, so why argue about it?” The problem with prosperity doctrine is not as much what the implications of their doctrine are.
Dishonoring the Poor
First of all, prosperity teachers find it necessary to put believers in Jesus who experience poverty or illness on a lower level than those who experience wealth and health. They claim that believers who are poor or ill are stricken by an evil spirit which they do not have the faith to resist. This is, frankly, insulting to believers who have been faithful to Jesus, have endured in spiritual warfare and yet remain poor and ill. And it is the opposite of what Jesus promised them. Those who are poor should be honored by the church, but instead they are dishonored, which is an abomination in Jesus (James 2:1-9).
This position also lessens the danger of wealth that Jesus expressed in many times and ways. Being wealthy does not exclude you from the kingdom of God, but it does make it more difficult. The reason for this, Jesus says, is the necessity to give up the wealth of this life for the sake of the poor and then the wealth will be stored up for one in the kingdom of God. Should one fail to give his or her wealth to the poor, they will be punished eternally. (Mark 10:17-25; Luke 12:15-21; 32-34; Luke 16:19-31) Prosperity doctrine honors the rich for their wealth and does not emphasize the giving to the poor, thus endangering their wealthy disciples to eternal fire.
Preaching for Personal Gain
Another danger of prosperity doctrine is the teachers themselves tend to seek personal wealth. This only makes sense, for they want to be good examples to their disciples, to show them what their teaching brings. However, the New Testament teaches that it is a characteristic of a false teacher to preach for personal gain. The Bible is opposed to the demand of salaries and payments to preach the gospel—one’s room and board, offered after the gospel is given, is sufficient.
In fact, a very strong statement is given in I Timothy 6 against the very thing that prosperity doctrine promotes—the thought that the gospel is for the increase of personal wealth. Paul does not say that being rich is bad, but he does say that one should be content with what one has and be generous to the poor. But he does say that those who teach the gospel for the sake of obtaining personal wealth “do not agree with… the teaching of Jesus” and are “conceited and understand nothing” because they believe that “godliness is a means of great gain.”
Does God Promise Prosperity?
Yes, he does! But in order to obtain the wealth and blessings we have in store for us in the kingdom of God, we must endure through a time of testing of our faith. For now, in this age, life is suffering and difficulty and struggle for the one who follows Jesus. But if we endure to the end, then great blessing will be ours and eternal life.
It is the teaching that the normative Christian life is being wealthy, healthy and successful in the world. To live a life of poverty, illness or dishonor is to lack faith or righteousness. It is not the same as charismatic or Pentecostal teaching, which teaches that the Holy Spirit’s power is just as strong in the world today as it was in the first century. Prosperity doctrine connects the Spirit’s power with always being healthy, and always having the blessings of this world. While the Spirit is just as powerful as he ever was, and heals just as strongly as he ever did, does this mean that the Spirit desires believers to be always healthy, always rich and always popular?
Is There a Biblical Basis for Prosperity Doctrine?
There certainly is. Many prosperity doctrine teachers use the Bible, especially many Old Testament passages, to support their concept. Isaiah 53:5 and II Chronicles 7:14 certainly speaks about God healing sicknesses through prayer and the sacrifice of Jesus. And there is a strong theme throughout the OT of God providing prosperity for those who are righteous, whether it be a nation or an individual. Among the passages that indicate this are: Deuteronomy 28:11; Psalm 25:12-13; Proverbs 13:21 and Zechariah 1:17.
However there is an equally strong, but seemingly opposing theme in the OT of the righteous suffering illness, calamity, persecution and tragedy of no fault of their own, but even especially because they were righteous. Stephan in Acts 7 and Hebrews 11 both give a long list of righteous people whose lives were surrounded by tragedy. The Psalms as well are full of many cries of the righteous to deliver them from trouble that the righteous did not cause. The book of Job in and of itself repeats again and again that disease and calamity in a person’s life is not an indication of their lack righteousness or faith.
Of course, prosperity teachers understand that most people do go through periods of tribulation, poverty and ill health, but they also teach that for the person who has perfect faith in Christ that such difficulties would be behind them forever. The completely righteous person in Christ would never again have to suffer in such a way.
One problem with their teaching even from the OT is that when the Scripture speaks of “prosperity” it does not mean material wealth as we have today. Rather it describes prosperity as being abundance of produce and cattle, enough to eat, enough clean water to drink, a community which worships God, peace from enemies and contentment. It does not anywhere speak of the abundance of wealth and the comparative economic plenty in comparison with 99 percent of the rest of the world that prosperity doctrine teachers promote. (I Timothy 6:8)
Another issue is that when the OT speaks of healing, it is done in the context of forgiveness from judgment. If the nation of Israel disobeys the covenant at Sinai, then God would visit upon them the diseases that he put upon Egypt. But if they return to Him, then he will heal them, and He will be their healer. It does not ever give a carte blanche healing for all diseases that might come upon a person. (Exodus 15:26; Deuteronomy 28; Isaiah 57:16-21; Jeremiah 3:22)
What Does Jesus Say?
Jesus himself knew of the two theological ideas in the OT—the righteous would prosper and the righteous would suffer. He did not deny one part to take up the other, but joined them together into a unity. He claimed that the righteous would suffer in this age, which is under the control of Satan and humans under the thumb of Satan. The characteristics of the righteous at this time, Jesus says, is poverty, lowliness, persecution, mourning, and the deep desire for justice to come. And, Jesus says, it is exactly these who suffer now that the blessings of prosperity would be offered to these in the coming kingdom of God. In the kingdom, these who suffered would receive justice, happiness, peace, authority, safety and wealth. Thus, Jesus says, both themes in the OT are true—the righteous will suffer now and in order to enact justice for them, God will give them wealth and prosperity in the future when the kingdom comes. On the contrary, those who have a good life now—wealth, success, popularity—cannot expect to receive these blessings in God’s kingdom. (Matthew 3:3-12; Luke 6:20-26; Matthew 10:24-42; Mark 8:34-37)
Is this in agreement with the rest of the New Testament?
The rest of the New Testament is in agreement with Jesus. It is, James says, the poor who will receive the blessings of God, while the rich will be left empty (James 1:9-11; 2:5; 5:1-5). One of the characteristics of faith, says the writer of Hebrews, is not receiving what one expects, but believing in that expectation anyway and persevering in faith (Hebrews 11:32-12:4).
One of the best examples we have of this is the apostle Paul. Paul and his evangelists suffered all kinds of tribulations—illness, persecution, shipwrecks, sleeplessness, hard labor, constant danger, hunger, poverty, cold, imprisonments and much more. Yet he boasted in all this suffering, knowing that it is the suffering that grants him security in Christ, not wealth or popularity. (Philippians 2:25-27; Galatians 4:13; II Corinthians 11:21-30; Philippians 4:11-12; II Timothy 4:6-8.)
Thus, it is the entire New Testament that is in agreement with Jesus about the righteous being characterized for a time by suffering, while later they will receive security and wealth in the kingdom of God.
Is That All?
Some might say, “Is this all about what one expects out of the Christian life? So what’s the big deal? Some Christians receive poverty and some are wealthy, so why argue about it?” The problem with prosperity doctrine is not as much what the implications of their doctrine are.
Dishonoring the Poor
First of all, prosperity teachers find it necessary to put believers in Jesus who experience poverty or illness on a lower level than those who experience wealth and health. They claim that believers who are poor or ill are stricken by an evil spirit which they do not have the faith to resist. This is, frankly, insulting to believers who have been faithful to Jesus, have endured in spiritual warfare and yet remain poor and ill. And it is the opposite of what Jesus promised them. Those who are poor should be honored by the church, but instead they are dishonored, which is an abomination in Jesus (James 2:1-9).
This position also lessens the danger of wealth that Jesus expressed in many times and ways. Being wealthy does not exclude you from the kingdom of God, but it does make it more difficult. The reason for this, Jesus says, is the necessity to give up the wealth of this life for the sake of the poor and then the wealth will be stored up for one in the kingdom of God. Should one fail to give his or her wealth to the poor, they will be punished eternally. (Mark 10:17-25; Luke 12:15-21; 32-34; Luke 16:19-31) Prosperity doctrine honors the rich for their wealth and does not emphasize the giving to the poor, thus endangering their wealthy disciples to eternal fire.
Preaching for Personal Gain
Another danger of prosperity doctrine is the teachers themselves tend to seek personal wealth. This only makes sense, for they want to be good examples to their disciples, to show them what their teaching brings. However, the New Testament teaches that it is a characteristic of a false teacher to preach for personal gain. The Bible is opposed to the demand of salaries and payments to preach the gospel—one’s room and board, offered after the gospel is given, is sufficient.
In fact, a very strong statement is given in I Timothy 6 against the very thing that prosperity doctrine promotes—the thought that the gospel is for the increase of personal wealth. Paul does not say that being rich is bad, but he does say that one should be content with what one has and be generous to the poor. But he does say that those who teach the gospel for the sake of obtaining personal wealth “do not agree with… the teaching of Jesus” and are “conceited and understand nothing” because they believe that “godliness is a means of great gain.”
Does God Promise Prosperity?
Yes, he does! But in order to obtain the wealth and blessings we have in store for us in the kingdom of God, we must endure through a time of testing of our faith. For now, in this age, life is suffering and difficulty and struggle for the one who follows Jesus. But if we endure to the end, then great blessing will be ours and eternal life.
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