Anawim Hall of Fame

Anawim is a Hebrew word that means "The poor who seek the Lord for deliverance". When we understand that the "poor" in the Bible is not just those who are economically lacking, but also those who are oppressed, or who sacrifice something necessary for God, then we can see that this is a main theme throughout the Bible.

Abel—God liked his worship, but he didn’t accept the worship of his brother Cain. And so, in a childish fit of sibling rivalry, Cain kills Abel.

Abraham—God calls him to do a ridiculous task—to leave his proper inheritance from his father and just start wandering off to receive an unspecified reward. Abraham buys it. Then God promises him a son, although he and his wife were so past childbearing age their genitals resembled raisins. Abraham buys it. Then God asks Abraham to kill his only son, and, somehow, he will keep his previous promises. Abraham—stunningly—buys that too. So God gives him great reward (he’s only got to die and wait 400 years to collect it).

Hagar—Her mistress told her to have sex with her master—so she did. So why does her mistress beat her when she got pregnant? When she ran away, an angel told her to return and live under her mistress’ abuse—so she did. When her mistress had a son of her own, years later, she was told to pack up and leave—so she did. Because of her stubborn obedience, God made her descendants into a populous desert nation.

Lot—Of course he took the best land when it was offered—who wouldn’t? How was he to know that Sodom was slated for destruction by God’s immorality wrecking crew? Now here he is in the middle of the desert, destruction all around him, his wife fit only for a saltshaker, his daughters thinking incest is the best thing since sliced bread…. Well, God made it up to him by allowing him to be the father of two great nations.

Jacob—He so believes in God’s blessings, that he will do anything to get them—lie, steal, cheat, allow his sons to murder rivals—anything. Finally, after his life is made miserable by regret, he relies alone on God.

Joseph—So he boasted a little bit and humiliated his brothers. Is there any reason for him to be thrown, starving, into a pit, sold into slavery, falsely accused of sexual misconduct, and thrown into jail? Apparently God thought he’d been through enough, so he made Joseph Prime Minister of the most powerful country in the world.

Tamar—She married one brother. He died. He left her no kid. She was given to the second brother. He died. No kid. Daddy wasn’t taking chances on the third brother. So she put a veil on, loosened the top buttons on her blouse, donned a garter, and targeted daddy, and he didn’t know who she was. After her pregnancy was obvious, daddy was ready to kill her. Until she proved to him that daddy was the daddy. God makes her the matriarch of the kings of Jerusalem.

The Children of Israel—They were enslaved in Egypt for generations. All of a sudden, they remember God and cry out to him. Ten plagues. Dead men everywhere. Crossing the Red Sea without needing to change into bathing suits. Voila! Instant deliverance. Then he makes them his select nation for all time.

Rahab—Jericho sex-worker, destined for destruction with the rest of her city, who was more scared of Israel’s God than her own. Backed the right horse, and was given asylum. Oh, yeah, and God made her an ancestor of the Messiah.

Gideon—A coward hiding in a hole until an angel proclaims him “mighty warrior!” Three hundred men against thousands, a few lanterns against swords and chariots— God would only pull him out if he faced overwhelming odds against him.

Jephthah—Important father, but his mother was a prostitute. Dang, bad luck—he was kicked out of the family. He became leader of a band of outlaws. But when an army attacked his community, he was the only one who could save them. He would do so only if he gained the respect of the community.

Samson—Devoted to God before he was born, he was made strong by God’s power (no steriods necessary), as long as he didn’t touch wine or cut his hair. Unfortunately, there was no requirement to keep his zipper shut. After playing with the wrong woman once too many, he was weakened, enslaved and tortured. Finally, God allowed him one last shot to destroy his enemies—as long as he died in the process.

Ruth— A family from Israel goes to Moab and the sons marry the wrong wives—Moabites. When all the men die, the mother goes back home, and her one ex-daughter-in-law insists in coming with. She adopts to the new culture and the new God like a fish in water. Her new husband is rich, and they become the ancestors of the kings of Judea.

Hannah—Her co-wife thinks she is just soooo important, just because she’s got lots of kids and Hannah doesn’t. Hannah is so forsaken, she goes to the temple to pray and is rebuked for being drunk. But God hears her prayer anyway, and her son becomes ruler and priest of all Israel.

David I —The important priest names little David king, but no one knows it (frankly, no one would believe it). Yeah, he kills a giant, and slays some thousands of enemies, but the king still isn’t impressed. He tries to kill David and David runs away for a few years. In nowhereland, David leads a rag-tag band of nowheremen, making nowhere plans (except to keep running from the king). Finally, the king dies and David is made king.

David II— David got a vacation, got the hots for some woman, got her pregnant. So he kills the husband. God don’t like that sort of thing, so although David said he was really sorry, God still punished him some. His son took over David’s city, had sex with David’s wives and was eventually killed. But God still allowed him to be the example to the kings of Judea (go figure).

Elijah—Came from nowhere to tell the king some unpleasant news from God—no rain for three years because you’re worshipping the wrong god! He runs away and God feeds him via crow and brook for a while. Then he’s fed by an impoverished widow for another while. When three years are done, he personally has a showdown with the priests of the wrong god, which he wins, but then he has to run for his life. Finally, he tells God he gives up, so God retires him from service via whirlwind and chariot of fire.

Naaman—A foreigner, an enemy general, and a leper goes up to the Israelite king and asks for healing. The king exclaimed, “Whadda I look like? A prophet?” So he’s sent to Elijah. Elijah tells him to go dunk his head—seven times in the Jordan. Naaman begins to stomp back home. A servant girl says, “What’s the harm in trying?” He turns around and dunks and God heals him. He converts to worship God (except on holidays).

Jehosephat—Three armies attack Jerusalem—it doesn’t look good for the king. He goes to God and God’s prophet says, “Don’t worry, God’ll handle it.” Jehosephat is so convinced, he puts his worship group at the head of the disarmed army. Sho’nuf—ain’t nuthin to do but clean up the bodies.

Hezekiah—Same story, different time. Biggest, strongest army in the world at Jerusalem’s doorstep. Hezekiah begs God, God’s prophet says “Don’t worry.” Sho’nuf—the army hightailed it back home and the leader was killed while worshipping his god.

Jeremiah—Another army at Jerusalem’s gate. Only this time God’s prophet—Jeremiah—said “Start packin’—everybody’s gunna move for 70 years.” No one likes to hear bad news, so no one believes him. The king burns his words. Since he’s preaching sedition, he gets thrown into a jail and then a dank well for months. After the city is conquered, Jeremiah is released. The people who are left ask, “What do we do?” Jeremaiah says, “Anything—just don’t go to Egypt.” Of course, they go to Egypt. And they drag the prophet along to write his jeremiad all the way there.

Ezekiel—Called to be God’s prophet, but told right off the bat—“No one will listen to you.” He’s told to do some pretty strange stuff—get pulled by the hair a few thousand miles to act like a ghost in Jerusalem; lay on his side for a year then—get the spatula—flip over for another year; measure out a Temple that doesn’t exist; build a model of Jerusalem, and then attack it; eat food cooked with burning human shit (he wouldn’t do that). All while he was exiled from his home, a priest far away from his temple.

Daniel—He was dragged away from his home, but he made the best of it, being a counselor for the king. Okay, so he was threatened with death unless he interpreted a dream he wasn’t told, telling the king his mind was going to go on vacation for a while; tell another king he was about to lose his reign that night; and babysit some hungry lions, while another king prayed outside. Still, he saw things from God no one else saw—like the resurrection of the dead.

The Three—The king had some low self-esteem one day, so he invited everyone to worship his statue. These three wouldn’t do it, so the king threw them into a fire pit. God didn’t let them get even a hotfoot.

God’s people depend on Him, even when the worst happens.