Isolation

Throughout history, there have been people who have decided that the best way to deal with the world is to escape it.  In the Christian tradition, this begins with Antony of Egypt, who would live in a cemetery and then later in the desert to escape the temptations of the world.  Of course, Antony then found temptations in the wilderness, and he bravely overcame them.  His solution to the temptations and struggles with other people was to get away from people, become a hermit, and to isolate himself as much as possible.

In later years, the hermit became one of the primary examples of a saint, of living as a holy man.  However, this is not the way of God.

Jesus declares that to be right before God our primary way is to love.  We cannot obtain any kind of righteousness without loving.  And this means that we have to be with other people, not to isolate.  Running away from people isn’t living the life that God calls us all to.   To love is to deal with others’ pain and to weep with them.  To love is to face the temptations others give us and to overcome them.  To love is to be made angry by others and to do what is peaceful in return.  To love is to be rejected by others, but to respond in kindness. To love is to be available with others need you, with whatever you have.  God calls us to be with others, for without others we cannot achieve His will for our lives.

God has made us in such a way that we can only be happy if we are with others.  Mind you, people are often the cause of our unhappiness, as well.  People frustrate us and mock us and wound us and hate us and yell at us and irritate us.  So we often have temporary unhappiness by being with others.  But God has made us so that our long term happiness is by being with others.  If you want to be self-centered and depressed, spend most of your time alone.  Our soul is made to work better with other people, no matter how frustrating they are.

There is only one path of God.  It is the path of compassion, the path of gentleness, the path of mercy, the path of patience, the path of self control, the path of sacrifice.  We do not stay among others just to survive their presence, but to benefit them.  In that pattern of benefiting others, even in small ways, that is the way of life, eternal life. The only way God has presented is the path of love.

This doesn’t mean that occasional bouts of isolation aren’t good for us.  There are times we need to be alone to focus on God, to recharge our ability to act right toward others, to bask in the joy of God’s creation, apart from the tension that others bring.  Jesus took a break from people for forty days. But we, like Jesus, must not remain in isolation.  We must always, regularly return to be with others. 

Because without those irritating, frustrating, horrifying, idiotic people, we do not have God.  The way of God is found in others, as much as we might wish that were not so.

Benevolence

In any relationship, it is seeing how we can benefit the other.  It is easy to see benevolence to feed the hungry or to house the homeless.  Benevolence, however, should taint every one of our relationships, every one of our conversations.  We can do good by listening to another, by making sure communication is safe for others,  by encouraging others in hope, by finding out what they actually need.  It is seeking to meet the needs of others, and we all have need.  Ultimately, benevolence is the core of love.  It is the seed from which true love grows.  By seeking the other’s need and trying to meet it, we can find ourselves.

Opposite: Seeking only to meet our own needs; being apathetic to other’s needs

In our relationships, are we focused on what we can get out of them, or what we can give in them?  Do we consider the needs of those we know?  Do we recognize signs of weakness in them, in order to assist them, or at least to empathize?  Do we seek help for those around us when they are in need, or do we just give pat answers and hope they will stop complaining?  Do we avoid weak people or seek ways to make them strong?  Ultimately, are our lives about meeting our own needs, or helping others to meet theirs?

Empathy

Empathy is to feel what another feels.  It is to step into another’s skin, to absorb their experiences and to have sympathy for both the joys and tragedies of another’s life.  Empathy is a natural, biological process for most people, allowing us to learn through other’s experience, to be like others, and to learn how to help others be like us.  

Opposite: To see other’s actions analytically, without feeling; to see other’s experiences as insignificant.

When I see someone in trouble, do I recognize that I could be in the same place, if circumstances were different?  Can I put myself in another’s place, recognizing that their feelings and sorrows and joys are the same as mine? Do I see myself in others around me and see them in me?  Do I see others for my own amusement or as tools to use for my own benefit?  Or do I recognize that we are all a part of each other, inseparable, no matter how we disagree or become angry with each other? 

Compassion

Compassion is to see a lack in others and to feel sorrow due to their lack.  Compassion sees needs, it gives room for weakness, it excuses actions done from pain.  Compassion can have its weakness, for it often will treat an adult like a child, or will sometimes shield from positive hurt.  But in its best form, compassion does not lessen the other person, but moves one to wise action.

Opposite: To judge others for their weakness, to be apathetic to another’s plight.

What is my first reaction to someone in weakness?  Do I tend to blame or to understand?  Do I reason in my mind ways to separate from them, to treat them as immoral or to be frustrated at their weakness?  Or do I take pity on their weakness?  Can I weep with those who weep?  Do I search for ways to comfort or to avoid the weak?

Relationship

In order to love we must be in connection with others.  To have any other deep values, we must first be in relationship.  We cannot live “just me and God” for God only grants grace to those in loving relationship to others.  A hermit is a spiritual cripple, for it is in the dirty rough-and-tumble of associating and being open to hurt that we learn the discipline of love.  It is good, at times, to retreat and escape the demands of relationship and to focus on who we are in God.  But this is not an end in itself, but a respite to prepare ourselves to associate, connect and care.

Do I have the tendency to isolate?  When I have a problem with others, do I run to a safe place, away from any other person?  Do I use my words to isolate, to separate myself from others, or to draw them into deeper relationship?  Am I afraid of others, of how they might hurt me and so use my non-verbal communication to warn people away from me?  Do I need to spend time with God to overcome fear and anger so I can relate to others as God would have me to?

Other-Consideration

Every being from the beginning of our individual life has no perspective but one’s own.  The only need is personal need, the only feelings are personal feelings, the only thoughts are personal thoughts.  Love begins by seeing another as the equal of oneself, having similar needs, similar feelings and similar thoughts.   If we recognize others as equal beings as ourselves, then we will grant them the same freedoms and respect that we expect ourselves.”

Opposite: To view another as less than human, to deny them equality with oneself.

Have we ever done something that we told ourselves, “Sure that would hurt us, but not that person   Do we ever consider others as less than ourselves?  Do we ignore the pain others feel because it “doesn’t matter”? Do we think that what we do to others is less than what they do to us?  Do we ever want to give back to another more pain than we received from them? Do we see others as being stronger than we and so able to handle greater burdens than we?  In what way do we see others as so different than ourselves that we don’t have to relate to them or care for them?

Apothecary of Love

To love others is to fulfill God’s highest law.  To love is to fulfill all the commandments.  To love is to be our highest selves.  To love is to be more than human, while not to love is to be less than human.  To love is to heal.  The world is sick.  It is in pain.  It groans under the weight of the burdens of suffering.  It is in anguish from carelessness, misunderstanding and prejudiced belief.  The medicine the world needs is love.  

But what is love?  Is love based in desire, or in giving?  Is love romantic, friendly or spiritual? Can it be all of these?  Love is the answer, but we often don’t want to know more about love than the fact that it is good.  For one person, love is sexual experience, for another it is giving illegal drugs for free.  Love is as misunderstood as it is lauded.

The one who first upheld love as a standard wasn’t John Lennon but Jesus.  Jesus said that all laws, all actions should be experienced through the filter of love.  He said that love was the ideal of God.  That love must be shared with all.  Surely Jesus knew what he meant by love. 

In this series we will see what the Bible says about love.  Love is healing, but it is not singular.  Rather, love is a medicine cabinet full of medications that will heal what ails you, what ails those around you.  But you do not apply one love to all wounds.  Each pain needs a different medicine. 

We will explore different dimensions of love, different ways of loving.  Each piece will be brief, but require much meditation to accomplish it.   Each will give an aspect of love, part of a whole.  We will attempt to give a definition, a Scripture, an antonym (for a definition isn’t complete until we know what something isn’t), and some questions for meditation.  If we spend a few minutes on love daily, we might know what it is, learning to live it out. 

To be updated with the full teaching on love, select the label below: Apothecary of Love

A Thirst For Wisdom

In the world there exists no lack of truth. Libraries are stacked with truths, the internet is exploding with facts, experts are just full of it. If we want truth, we can look anywhere and find it. The world focuses on the differences between what is true and what is untrue. This is significant, for if we believe a lie, then we have nothing true within us. However, it is equally possible for us to focus on the wrong truth. For some truth does not set us free, but bind us and blind us to what is significant.

The church has often been mislead by what is untrue. We have often listened to rumor or the speculations of a charismatic figure rather than examining what we have received in order to determine it’s accuracy. The Bereans were considered high minded because they didn’t just accept what they heard—as true as it was—but examined it according to a standard of truth. They analyzed and so were able to decide what was true, not just accepting it blindly.

But rarely does Scripture command us to determine what is true. Because there are so many truths to choose from. The Scripture never denied that there were spiritual powers beside God. The Scripture never said that all the pagans had to say was false—instead, they used the literature of the pagans to convict of the truth that was obvious to all. But what the Scripture emphasizes is the differences between truth and wisdom.

Truth is simply what is. It is fact. But we cannot live by facts alone. It is a fact that the sky, when clear, is blue, but that does not tell us why we are on this earth. It is a fact that light travels at the speed of … miles per second, but this fact does not tell us how we should live. It is a fact that there are (a hundred) kinds of penguins, but this fact does not tell us how to live in integrity and love.

Truth is the fact. Wisdom is the significance. Wisdom not just applies truth to reality, but it brings balance to all things. It tells us which truths to focus on and which truths are less important. Wisdom recognizes what is real and how to communicate reality for the benefit of all. Wisdom does not see fact as a hard-edged, black and white proposition. Wisdom sees truth as being the moldable tool of love and community.

Truth is relatively easy to discover. In many questionable areas we can find the reality, if we would but look. Truth is only difficult because so many people determine to remain ignorant, to leave it unsought. But wisdom, no matter how often or with what effort one seeks it, is always difficult. No matter how many confirmed facts we learn, we do not from that know the fact of what is important for us to know. We can comprehend and communicate millions of true sentences, yet none of them true for us, true for our family, true for our community, true for our world.

Knowledge is not life.
Facts are not action.
Truth is not love.
Propositions are not wisdom.

To focus on this fact can be despairing, which is also in opposition to wisdom. We must not dwell too deeply on the fact that fact is outside of practical reality. Where can we obtain wisdom, love, community, hope and significance? With wisdom God created the world. With wisdom, God saved the world. With wisdom, God decided to give His Son with love. Where is wisdom? It comes from God, and God alone.

Many have looked at God and have reduced Him down to facts. This accumulation of facts—both historic and philosophical—is called theology. Yet God cannot be found in the beauty of theology. God can truly be found in the wisdom of God.

Jesus is the wisdom of God. Jesus, who sat with the sinners and explained the Law as love. Jesus argued against the true facts of the Pharisees to show how insignificant they were compared to the act, speech and love of God. Jesus argued against the priests who put God into the box of the temple, and so tore the veil in two which blocked people’s vision of God. The fact that Jesus was the being of God isn’t what we should look at. Rather, Jesus was the revelation of the wisdom of God. In Jesus the truth of what is important is found.

Because Jesus is the revelation of the Father. The Father wanted us to understand wisdom, so he gave us not a rule book, nor a theology text but a living person. As Jesus is passed to us, it is not in a mathematical formula nor logical propositions, but written lives. Only life can display a wise life.

And Jesus knew that he would not be sufficient wisdom for all the generations to come. A single life, even expressed four-fold, is not enough to give the wisdom for all. So God planted the wisdom in our hearts. The Spirit gives us the teachings of the Father, day by day, hour by hour. These teachings are not the facts of truth, but the wisdom of life. Significance, not proposition.

The Spirit is revelation. The Spirit tells us that which human logic could never convince us of. The Spirit leads us to holiness, to love, to mercy, to humility, to community, to the power of God, which cannot be seen by eyes or measured by instruments.

For wisdom is the direct gift of God. All we need to have it is to open ourselves to receive. All the best of life is ours to grasp, if we would but seek Him. If we would listen to Him, we might have to set aside the facts that we have grasped onto in order to truly have Him. We must surrender our knowledge to Him, so that we can live in love. We must burn the insignificant as a sacrifice, so that God will grant us peace with others. We rest the burdens of our lives upon his arms, so that His wisdom might guide. Give us your wisdom, O Lord, display before us the love you wish us to live.

Is God Concerned About Global Warming?

Okay, we know about “global warming” that should really be called “climate change” (If not, then watch “An Inconvenient Truth” already!). Scientists tell us we should we worried about these couple degrees increase. But is God really worried about it? Is this any real concern at all? Does the Bible have anything to say about this?

God rules over the whole world“The earth is the LORD'S, and all it contains, The world, and those who dwell in it.
For He has founded it upon the seas And established it upon the rivers.” Psalm 24:1-2
God is the Emperor of the world and there is nothing that is not under his command. Of course He cares, after all He’s in charge of the world. Shouldn’t He be concerned with what someone else does with His world?

Men are commanded to care for the world as a good ruler
“What is man that You take thought of him, And the son of man that You care for him?
Yet You have made him a little lower than God, And You crown him with glory and majesty!
You make him to rule over the works of Your hands.” Psalm 8:4-6
Even though God is ultimately in charge of the world, He put the world into the hands of humanity, for them to rule as they see fit. Some think that this means that humanity can use up the world in whatever way they want to. However, when God gives someone to be a ruler of something, He doesn’t just say, “Sure, go ahead and use this resource up as selfishly as you want to!” God establishes humanity to be a ruler like Him—a ruler who cares about His sovereignty so much that He is willing to set aside his own needs and desires for the good of those under Him. If humanity treated the earth the same way that God treats His people, then the world will be in good shape, for humanity would be willing to sacrifice their own needs for the sake of creation.

Climate change isn’t about the earth so much as about people
“Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?” Matthew 6:26
If the climate change happens that scientists have been predicting, the earth will be just fine. Sure, there will be some weather changes, and some edges of land masses will be covered with water, but overall, it’s like the earth will have a rash. It’s uncomfortable, but doable. Heck, the world went through worse in the ice ages!
No, the ones that will be greatly effected is people. Large populations of people who live on coastlines and deltas and in hurricane areas will be effected. We are talking about hundreds of millions of people whose homes will be covered in water.
And does not God care about His people? Oh, yes He does. He cares about people dying. And he cares about it especially if it can be avoided by people just taking better care.

Humanity will be judged for not caring for the world when they knew what they were doing
“If you say, "See, we did not know this," Does He not consider it who weighs the hearts? And does He not know it who keeps your soul? And will He not render to man according to his work?” Proverbs 24:12
We are not responsible for what we don’t know. But we are responsible for what we do. If we know that there is an evil to people and we refuse to do anything about it, we will be judged for it. If our society doesn’t do something about the pollution and the problems on the earth that we know we are doing, then we will judged for it. God will not only judge our motives, but He will judge whether we acted on our knowledge.

God will fix whatever crap men did to the world
But according to His promise we are looking for new heavens and a new earth, in which righteousness dwells. II Peter 3:13
When the Bible says that God will make a “new earth” it doesn’t mean that He will wipe out the atoms that make up the current planet and then replace it with another one. Rather, it means that He will re-form the planet and the rulers that currently exist. All the evil that humanity has done to the earth will be made up for. Perhaps it will happen immediately, or perhaps it will take a long time. But in the end, God will right the wrongs. But we should do what is right not because there will be harm from doing wrong. We should do what is right because it is right.

We should never be willfully ignorant of the love that God has commanded us to live.

Essential Christian Love

What is Christian Love?
In our society, love is a multi-faceted term. It could mean a good feeling toward another (even if you have never seen the person before). It could mean a feeling of sexual lust, or the sexual act itself. It could mean acting in a positive way toward another, or “being nice”. Or it could mean to enjoy the company of another. Love is also used as the opposite of feeling hate.

However, “love” as used by Jesus is much more specific. It speaks of two general moral actions: remaining in relationship with another—in other words, never “cutting someone off”—and acting for another’s benefit, especially when the other is in need or trouble. Love is never exclusively used as an internal feeling, separated from words or actions. Love is always something one does for the benefit of another. The opposite of love isn’t hate, so much, as actions of hatred or hostility.

On top of this, Jesus insists that our motivation to love is to be in relationship with God. We have mercy on others so we can obtain mercy from God (Matthew 5:7). And we love without exclusion, so we can be called God’s children (Luke 6:35). We don’t love just because it is the “right” or “nice” thing to do, but because we desire God’s acceptance, honor and blessing. And if we fail to act in love—at all times, to every person—then we will not be accepted by God.

Christian love is an unbelievably high ideal. We are supposed to love those who hate us. We are to help those whose help is beyond our resources. We are to offer help to everyone who asks of us. And we are supposed to act this way at all times, with no exception without repentance and reconciliation. How can this be done? Frankly, it is not humanly possible. Even Jesus only acted openly and publicly in love with the power of the Spirit behind him. Only then could he be certain, as a human, that he could act with the Father’s love at all time. Even so, we have no chance of acting in love all the time without the constant leading and empowering of the Spirit of God.

Practical Christian Love
Have mercy on people’s weaknesses
All of us have weaknesses. Some of these weaknesses are sin, and some are just failings that we have. In our humanity, we want people to have mercy on us in our weaknesses—we want people to overlook them or to help us through them. Yet, also in our humanity, we condemn others for their weaknesses—we want to cause guilt or suffering in them because they harm others. Jesus, however, tells us that if we are to expect any kind of mercy from others—especially God—then we need to have mercy on others. Rather than condemning people’s weaknesses, we need to find ways to have compassion on them and help them based on that compassion, rather than judgement. (Luke 6:36-38)

Give opportunity for repentance
If we see someone act in their weaknesses, especially if in their weakness, they did something that hurt us, then we want to cut them off from us in some way. We want to have nothing to do with them, or perhaps scream at them, or to keep them away from our community. Jesus both demonstrated and taught just the opposite. If someone is in sin—even if they hurt us, even if the sin was extreme—we are still to be in relationship with them and give them opportunity to change. If an unbeliever is in sin, we are to give them opportunity to show faith (Mark 2:17; Luke 15:1-10). If a believer is in sin, we are to give them many chances to make right (Matthew 18:15-17). And a believer who is weak, but not in sin, is never to be excluded, but welcomed and assisted (Mark 9:37-42).

Forgive debts
If someone does repent, trying to make right their weakness or sin, it is in our human nature to see that person pay their debts and to give in restitution exactly as they have taken. Thus, our humanity says that if they caused us shame, they need to receive shame; if they stole from us, they should pay back the exact amount; if they broke the law, they should pay the full penalty. However, Jesus says that instead of seeking payback, we should forgive those who repent (Luke 17:3-4). Forgiveness means that they are in relationship and that they are not required to pay the full debt back. This means that we are not seeking a payback, but we are willing to wipe the slate clean (Matthew 18:21-35). This also means that we will not remind others of the things they have done against us (I Corinthians 13:5).

Give to those who ask
If someone asks us for forgiveness or help, our natural, human response is to preserve our resources for us and ours. We don’t feel secure enough to give to others when they really need it. Jesus, however, told us to help those who asked (Matthew 5:42). Often we want to refuse assistance to those who have done us wrong in some way, or who are “unworthy” in our eyes. Jesus, however, gave even to the most unworthy, if they just asked in faith (Matthew 15:22-28). This does not mean that we should give to people whatever they ask for. We need to give out of love—which means giving toward their real need, not just giving whatever is convenient without regard to their need (I Corinthians 13:2).

Pray for others
Often, when we look at our resources, we find that we do not have enough to help others. We find that we are limited by economics, by time, by geography and by our own anxieties. However, Jesus taught us that action on our compassion shouldn’t be limited by resources, because God has the greatest resources of all (Matthew 6:31-33). We may not be able to heal a sick person, but God can (Acts 3:1-8). We may not be able to feed the hungry, but God can (Mark 6:34-43). We may not be able to give the gospel to everyone, but God can (Matthew 24:14). So our compassion does not need to be limited by our limitation—if we would but pray, then we are enacting God’s mercy on people, which is far greater than our own.

Set free the oppressed
Many people are sick, both physically and mentally. While medical workers do their best to heal, they are not always able to. Sometimes they just do not have the knowledge, and sometimes they do not recognize the spiritual forces involved in healing. There are spirits that assist in causing physical and mental illnesses. And doctors do not usually have the authority to command these spirits. However, anyone in Jesus, having the authority Jesus gave all of his disciples, can command the spirits to release those attacked by them (Mark 16:17-18). In this way, the people of Jesus can express their compassion in a unique way that no one else can.

Provide hospitality
It seems like so little, it seems so simple, but often compassion and Christian love can be expressed just in an open door, a cheerful welcome and a meal. Hospitality in Scripture means offering food and drink, clothing, a warm place to rest or sleep, and an opportunity to get cleaned up (Matthew 25:31-46; John 13:1-15). It was often given to the poor and travelers within the church, but it was offered to others as well (Galatians 6:10). Although it seems so simple, but if we refuse to enact this hospitality, then we do not express the love of Christ.

If one is a Christian, this kind of love is not an option. If we fail to forgive, we will not be forgiven (Matthew 6:14-15). If we refuse to have mercy, God will not have mercy on us (Matthew 5:7). If we refuse to offer hospitality, we will be thrown out of God’s kingdom (Matthew 25:31-46). And if we live in bitterness and judgement, then we will be judged by God (Luke 6:37). Love is not an option, it is a demand. And it is demanding. Yet it is the most gentle, most gracious way of life any of us could ask for (Matthew 11:28-30).

Love Is The Basis of All Ethics

I know a woman who had an abortion when she was young. The infant wasn’t the product of rape, it just wasn’t the right time for the couple to have the baby. Abortion, in this case, was being used for birth control. Since it had just been legalized, why shouldn’t she take advantage of it? Years later, however, that decision haunted her and she considered that she had killed her only daughter.

A number of years ago I met a professional drunk who was homeless. He was interested in whatever help we would be willing to offer. However, he had clearly already lied to my wife and I and he, frankly, had an obnoxious personality and smelled of wine processed through his pores.

A woman who had stayed in our house for years has been struggling with drug addiction for years, but she is losing the fight. She won’t work in the house or pay rent and gets angry when I approach her about it.

This is the kind of stuff that ethics are made of. Difficult situations. Some small and some large. Libraries have been created on the ethics of abortion, homeless, drug addiction, homosexuality, war, adultery, marriage and much more. When we think about these issues philosophically, we make one ethical choice, but when we face them in real life, we might very well make another.

In philosophy, there are two names that come to the forefront of ethical thought: Mills and Kant. John Stuart Mills taught that the basis of correct moral decision is happiness. Decide what makes the most people happy over the longest period of time, and that is the correct decision. Kant thought that the basis of ethics is duty. If we know what we should do, the right thing, then to do anything else is unethical. However, neither can be completely true. If a friend of mine experienced a death in the family, my empathy doesn’t make either of us happier, but isn’t it more right to feel for him than to not? If my duty is to not lie and obey government, does that make it right for me to tell the Nazis at my door that the Jews are hidden under the panel in the dining room floor?

The heart of right action is in the heart of human existence and experience. And human experience is found in the midst of others. Most of these others are human—we come out of our mother’s womb, live in a community, learn with children, connect with neighbors, buy from retailers, read the words of authors, work with co-workers, care for pets, have sex with lovers and hopefully, die with family. Since our whole life is spent with others, then the heart of the most basic decisions—that of right and wrong—also has to do with others.

But what is the nature of our relation with others, of life in general? The basic experience of all life is need. We are all a gaping hole needing to be filled. Three meals a day. Six cups of water. Sleep. Health when we are sick. A kind word. A good talk. Support when depressed. A good story. The needs perpetuate without end—the basic truth of life. And we spend our time filling these needs. We get a job so we can get money to meet our needs. We remain in long term relationships to meet our needs. We purchase things—a comfortable bed, a good book—to meet the needs of rest and pleasure.

To see ourselves as full of need, constantly being fulfilled, is to see us as life. And if this is what life is, this is what every living being is on the planet. Around every single one of us is another gaping hole, another sponge in constant need of filling. Yea, not just one, but many, perhaps hundreds, perhaps millions, even billions. Some of us pretty much meet our own needs. But for every one that is self-sufficient, there are a thousand or a million that are not. Every child is in need of raising until they are grown. Every spouse is in need of the love of their partner. Every ill person is in need of the care of another. Every destitute person is in need of assistance. And every person is in need of another to talk to, to obtain respect from, to love and to be loved.

This is the true foundation of ethics. Not the partnership of command and submit. Not the limits of pleasure. Rather the recognition that everyone’s need is the equivalent of our own. And that even as we are in need of others to meet our need, we must live our lives to meet other’s needs. Not as a duty, although it can be considered a responsibility. Not as a part of our own pleasure, although we can find joy in it. Rather, we meet needs because it is a part of life, part of the community we live in.

To see the other’s need and to recognize it as a part of one’s own; to not only observe the need, but to feel it; to meet the need of the other and so be completed oneself—this is love. It may sound like co-dependency. But codependency is acting toward the other’s hurt, and so establishing one’s own hurt as well. Love recognizes true need, not just felt need, and fills the gaping hole. Love never turns away. Love does something.

And this is the good life. The life of love.

The woman on drugs on our house? We confronted her, but didn’t force her to leave until she had another place to be. On her own, she still struggles with addiction, but is on the road to recovery. Without basic structure, she would never succeed.

The homeless drunk? He stayed in our house one night and we found that his screaming in the middle of the night was not good for the rest of us to be able to sleep. But we had him come to dinner. And the next night he came again. The night after, he brought another homeless friend. And now we feed a hundred and fifty people a week, friends with them all, bringing love and hope to street folks and the mentally ill, meeting all the needs we can.

And, finally, the woman struggling with her decision to have an abortion? That was my mother. It was my potential sister she decided to not have. It was certainly not my place to forgive her. She needed the forgiveness of God and of the baby. But in receiving welcome, support and hope from those around her, she experienced the forgiveness of God and her fourth child.

Love truly does conquers all evil, which makes it the most powerful substance in the universe.

The Love Chapter--Commentary on I Corinthians 13

First of all, I want to point out that the list in the love chapter is pretty close to the list of the Fruits of the Spirit in Gal 5:22-23. The fruit of the Spirit IS love and love, when properly defined, is all of these things-- joy, peace, patience, etc.

Secondly, note that the context of both passages is community living, not solitary. Love is supposed to be the expression of the church, the action of the person toward the group, not something one feels within oneself.

Thirdly, both passages are dealing with conflict in the church. Galatians is dealing with doctrinal disputes and I Corinthians 12-14 is dealing with disputes regarding worship.

One last thing about the context is that Paul is correcting each church's misunderstanding of the manifestation of the Spirit. The church at Galatia assumes that one's doctrine or relation to the law is the true manifestation of the Spirit. The church at Corinth assumes that displaying great signs and miracles from God is the true manifestation of the Spirit. Paul says "no" to both of them, saying that the true manifestation of the Spirit is loving relation to one's brothers and sisters.

Okay, now let's do a verse-by-verse.

If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.

In this section, Paul is basically saying that all of our religious activity, all of our zeal and devotion to God, is pointless without love of others. Everything we think is important in our Christian life is shit unless we care for others. 'Nuf said about that.

In the next section, it is assumed that Paul is defining love. Well, not really, because Jesus really defined it. Agape love is acting for the benefit of the other, no matter who they are, no matter what they've done to you. That's the definition we need to remember as we explore Paul's explanaton. He is really describing what love looks like in the context of others, especially the church.

Love is patient
The term "patience" is better translated "long suffering" as in the KJV. It means we are sticking with it no matter what difficulties arise. In the context, this doesn't mean patience in general-- it means patience with those around us. As they give us problems and difficulties and irritate us and enact sins and complain about stupid stuff-- in all that, we are still to act for their benefit. Nothing they do should change our attitude of trying to figure out how we can best do good to them.

Love is kind
The opposite of "kind" is "harsh" or a negative impact. Thus, we are to act in a benefitial way, and in gentleness.

Love is not jealous
We shouldn't look at the people around us as competitors, who are getting the things that we deserve. We should be looking at people as our allies, our mutual supporters, so a benefit to our brother or sister is a benefit to ourselves, even if not directly.

Love is not arrogant
The term is "puff up" or pride. But it is not pride in the Greek sense, hubris. It is rather the act of making ourselves significant-- one of the great sins of the Bible. We shouldn't be looking at others as an opportunity to make ourselves more important, nor should we put others less important so we can look better in comparison.

Love does not act unbecomingly
This is translated a lot of ways It really means to act in a way that is embarassing or shameful to those around one. This doesn't mean saying an uncomfortable truth, but basically acting as one acts when one is drunk. To act without regard to social norms, to act indecently, not caring how others feel about it.

It does not seek its own
This can mean one of two things in the context-- either seeing other people as just resource to get what one wants instead of people who have their own needs and concerns. Or it could mean insisting upon one's own way to the detriment of other people's way of thinking-- being demanding.

Is not provoked
When we act in love, we do not get instantly upset or angry at others, reacting harshly toward them. A good translation of this is, "It is not irritable".

Does not take account an injury
The term for "account" means to give it words, as in to write it down. It basically means, "doesn't hold a grudge".

Does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth
The term "rejoice" is often used to mean "have a party over". In this context, it means to be happy for another. So, in love, we grieve when someone else commits a sin or wrong. But when someone confesses their sin, admitting their wrong, we do get happy about that.

Bears all things
This also has two possible meanings. It could mean the opposite of "being provoked," putting up with people's irritating habits and sins. Or it could mean to take on other people's problems. When someone has a need, it is no longer their problem alone, but we take it on as our own.

Believes all things
As we said in our conversation, it does not mean that we believe every load of crap anyone gives us. But it does mean that we give them the benefit of the doubt.

Hopes all things
When we love, we don't assume that a person is destined to hell, nor that the worst will happen in their lives. Rather, we hope for the best, for repentance, for deliverance.

Endures all things
The term "endure" in a positive sense means to "hold one's ground". Not just to put up with people, but to stick with them, to not give up on them, to be faithful.

Love never fails.
This should literally be translated, "Love never falls," and it fits with the last two statements. Frankly, we don't give up on people. We remain faithful, hopeful, acting for their benefit no matter what. Looking at what Paul says in the next statement, it also means that acts of love continue on past judgment, past regime changes, past changes of cultures, past changes of mores. Acting in the benefit of others is always a positive act, no matter what context you live in.


But if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away For we know in part and we prophesy in part; but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away.
When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known.

Paul is saying that the things that the Corinthians are focusing on-- miracles and prophecies and tongues are only significant in the time frame they are living in. Eventually, when Jesus returns, their significance will be little. When we have God before us, what need do we have of prophecy with its guessing game? And tongues will be unnecessary, because we will be able to speak to God and hear from God clearly. So these things are just temporary, insignificant in the long view. Focusing on miracles is a sign of our immaturity as humans. Only when we hear God clearly can we do away with them, but that clarity is significant.


But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.
Of everything we do religiously, the only three things that endure past Jesus' coming is our faith, our hope and our love. Our faith, meaning our devotion to God and Jesus, because that is the basis of everything we will do in the future. Our hope, because that's what Jesus' coming is. When He comes, then our hope is realized and all of our actions based on that coming reality will be realized. But the greatest of the three is love. Why? Because according to Jesus' word, that is how we will be judged and rewarded. Not on our devotion to Jesus, not on our hope that He is returning-- but based on our acting in benevolence to those around us. If we fail to do this, then we will be sent to hell. If we succeed in meeting people's needs, at our own inconvenience, then we will obtain life with Him. (Matthew 25:31-46). So love is most important of the qualities we need to succeed in the future.

Judgment, Cheap Grace and Mercy

• Judgment is immediate.
It demands the quick decision and the sentence is as swift and demanding as a guillotine.

• Mercy is slow.
Mercy takes its time, deliberating, mulling over options. Mercy is often second-guessing itself, repenting of former decisions as repentance is made known.

• Cheap Grace is careless.
It cares not what the issues are, and is as swift in its decision of forgiveness as judgment is of condemnation.

• Judgment is simple.
Black and white, clear cut, no recourse, no compromise. Judgment sees all situations from a demanding, no fills position.

• Mercy seeks truth—no matter how messy.
It deliberates, considers, ponders, discusses—but not without a goal. Mercy plods, the tortoise who wins the race, slow and steady. Mercy understands that truth cannot be found in a headline, but in a feature article based on many interviews.

• Cheap Grace triumphs the ignorant.
There is no need for determinations, deliberations or decisions. The decision has already been made—freedom and blessing for all, no matter what the situation.

• Judgment focuses on the law as a principle.
“The law is a standard which once broken cannot be mended. It is the Humpty Dumpty of God. It is an ancient china doll, needing to be placed behind glass—protected, served, and loved from a distance.” But the law of judgment is cold, hard and sharp as a steel blade. Judgment claims to be for the good of society, but the only one who benefits is Judgment itself.

• Mercy loves the law as a benefit to others.
The law is to “love your neighbor,” thus mercy is the heart of the law. The law is to train us in mercy, to see the Other as the beneficiary of all of our actions. Mercy considers the well-being of all—even the law-breaker. Mercy’s law is comforting, light, for it always seeks the benefit of all.

• Cheap Grace discards the law.
“The law was a plaything of youth, but is to be set aside as unworthy of consideration. Grace has set aside all law, especially the law of Jesus, as unworthy of God.” Cheap Grace claims to speak for Mercy, but denies the heart of God.

• Judgment demands recompense.
Judgment seeks equity to the cost of the action of the law-breaker. “You broke it, you pay for it.” It seeks a balanced account book for which each debit has its equal and opposite credit—the coin of which is blood and dishonor.

• Mercy pursues reconciliation.
Mercy can lead to dishonor, should repentance be the flip side of that coin. Mercy pleads for restoration, constantly seeking an ingathering together for all the saints.

• Cheap Grace rejects cost.
Cheap Grace points to Calvary and claims that all had been accomplished there. Cheap Grace ignores the man who said, “All who would follow me must take up their own cross daily.” Cheap Grace demands no personal cost, no change, no death, no discipline, and so gains no gift, no new creation, no life, no restoration.

• Judgment has no escape. Once judged, there is no exit. The sentence is irrevocable, the differences irreconcilable, the community ununitable.

• Mercy offers an out—repentance.
The one who has harmed another—and so has defied the law—has an opportunity to be brought back under the law. To repent, to reconcile is the extent that Mercy demands, and will seek any way to achieve that goal.

• Cheap Grace is unconditional forgiveness.
It is spiritual bloodletting—seeking to heal the patient, while ignorantly killing him. Cheap Grace sees no need to gather in, to restore, for there was no separation.

• Judgment demands payment from the lawbreaker.
As the law suffered, so must the criminal. As society was harmed, so must the harmer. Judgment claims the lost deserve nothing, and so gives nothing.

• Mercy sacrifices.
Restoration also has a price, and the merciful takes that price on oneself. Mercy pays whatever the cost so the sinner can be restored. Mercy groans in prayer, endures attacks, forgives debts against it, pays debts against others, sacrifices its comfort, its family, its friendships, its resources, its very life—all for the sake of the lost.

• Cheap Grace gleefully ignores cost.
It is the thief, stealing from God’s honor. Cheap Grace receives no payment, demands nothing, gives nothing, since there is no debt incurred. Cheap Grace celebrates at the foot of grace delivered, but ignores the call of grace transferred to others. Cheap Grace requires nothing and so gains nothing.

• Judgment never forgets.
It is the elephant of virtues. It never trusts, never believes, never forgives, never restores. Judgment says “Once a sinner, always a sinner.”

• Mercy gives the benefit of the doubt.
Mercy does not forget, but allows complete restoration, a rebuilding of trust. Mercy believes in new creation, a new life, which has nothing to do with the old.

• Cheap Grace always trusts, even the hypocrite.
It always believes, even the liar. It always forgives, even the unrepentant. It accepts everyone and everything—except God’s truth.

• Judgment is Satan.
Judgment is the accuser of the brethren, the murderer of humanity for the sake of a bloodless law. It is the prosecutor seeking the death penalty.

• Mercy is Jesus.
It is the self-sacrificer, the reconciler to God, the perfect sacrifice. Mercy is the one who said, “Go and sin no more,” “The one whom the Son sets free is free indeed,” “I have come to seek and save the lost,” “Unless you repent you will likewise perish,” “I have not come to call the righteous but the sinners to repentance,” “Be merciful as your Father is merciful.”

• Cheap Grace is the Flesh.
It is self-seeking, self-upholding, self-deceptive. Ultimately, it upholds what is abhorrent to God as the will of God. They practice sin and gives approval to those who practice it.

• Judgment is a liar.
It claims that God does not forgive, sees the sin and not the sinner. It denies the power of God to change the one in Jesus. It is lost, for it has forsaken the mercy of Jesus. Those in the power of Judgment will die by God’s hand—“Judge and you will be judged.”

• Cheap Grace is a liar.
It claims that God’s standard is flexible, and so non-existent. It loves the lost to such a degree that it cannot be separated from the lost. It causes the lost to remain lost, and so dead. Those in the power of Cheap Grace will die by God’s hand—“Whoever does not obey the Son will not see life.”

• Mercy is the truth of God.
It upholds the law, which is to love all. It demands love, even as it offers love. It demands forgiveness, even as it offers forgiveness. It demands sacrifice, even as it sacrifices. It demands purity, even as it offers purity. It demands devotion to God, even as it offers devotion to God. “Be imitators of God, and walk in love as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us.”

Mercy stands with God over against Judgment and Cheap Grace

How To Love Idiots

“Love one another,” “Treat others as you would be treated,” “Love your neighbor as yourself” “Be merciful as your Father in heaven is merciful” “Love your enemy, do good to those who hate you”— Jesus was clear, that loving those around us is our most important task, apart from being faithful to God. And yet, it is funny how we often take our relationships for granted (unless we are dating someone we really like). We assume that we treat everyone fairly and with love—even though sometimes it is “tough love”—and we expect to be treated fairly in return.

However, dealing with people is the most difficult task imaginable—just ask God, He has a terrible time with it! Jesus told us that our relationships should be a major priority in our lives just because they would be so difficult to maintain! Jesus didn’t tell us to treat everyone with fairness, but with love and humility. And this means, often, that we need to set aside our own ideals and focus on someone else’s needs and goals. We cannot love if we are just thinking about being “fair” in relationships. To love we must sacrifice and reach out.

1. Meet others needs
When Jesus taught about love, he did not mean that love is a feeling, or a response, or a particular kind of relationship. Rather, when Jesus said, “love” he meant an action. To love is to act in the other person’s benefit, whatever that means. And the most basic way of doing what will help another person is to make an attempt to meet their needs. This is why when Scripture talks about Christian duty, it describes feeding the poor, visiting the sick and welcoming the stranger. Because loving means seeing the need and doing your best to meet it.

But we also need to recognize that people need more than bread and clothes. Jesus himself did much more than meet people’s physical needs—although that was a big part of what he did. Fundamentally, people feel that they have the following needs:

• Survival—Having one’s basic needs met, such as hunger, sleep and health
• Security—Feeling safe from what one fears
• Inner Peace—A sense of contentment with life
• Pleasure—Enjoyment and laughter
• Honor—A sense of being significant to others
• Society—Feeling a part of others and communicating with them

There are other needs that we have—a relationship with God, understanding significant truths, a sense of being a “good person”, but we don’t always feel these needs. The six above we feel almost every day at one point or another, and they deeply control our sense of well-being and color our perception of everything around us. When Jesus met needs, he recognized that people not only needed their “survival” needs met, but also the other ones. Especially in his teaching, he wanted people to feel secure, to have peace, to have joy, to gain honor and to be a part of a good society.

Even so, when we are looking to meet people’s needs, we need not only look at survival needs, although those are foundationally important. But we must also remember to give people respect, to ease people’s fears, to help them laugh and enjoy themselves, to just communicate with others. In doing all of this, we are loving. And all of it is acting in love.

2. Be Humble
Perhaps when you picked up this tract, you thought, “Oh good—I’ve got a lot of idiots I’m supposed to love.” However, the most important lesson Jesus taught us in loving others is “the first shall be last and the last first.” If we really want to love others, the first step is to remember that, more often than not, WE are the idiots, not the people around us. Rather than thinking, “I wish so-and-so could read this tract,” you need to take responsibility for your own idiocy in relationships. If we are really going to love, we need to be humble. How can we do that?

• If a mistake was made, give others the benefit of the doubt
• Take blame upon yourself, instead of pushing it on others
• Focus on what other’s need, not yourself
• If changes need to be made in communication, take as much responsibility on yourself as you can
• Pray for other’s blessing—especially those you are in conflict with

If we place ourselves in the giving position, then we will find that we can actually deserve the honor we might expect others to give to us—whether we get it or not. Most importantly, assume that the other person is trying to be as good and as polite as they can. You may feel that they are acting rude or badly or stupidly. But, chances are, they are not. They are just trying to meet their needs, just like you are.

3. Recognize differences in communication
Another way we can be humble is to recognize that, more often than not, the people around us are not idiots, or jerks, or rude, but they have different communication patterns than we do. If we see someone who looks like an immigrant come up to us and speak loudly in a foreign language, waving his hands, we would not think he was rude, but that he just didn’t have the same customs that we do. But if we see someone speak to us in our language, with our accent, speaking loudly and waving her hands, we would think that she is rude, or possibly have some mental problems. But some people grow up in situations in which speaking loudly (or quietly) and using expansive gestures (or using none at all) is normal, and they are just trying to speak to us normally. We do not feel that it is normal at all—we feel that it is rude, or that they have a problem with us. But often it is not that case at all. We have to take account of other’s different way of speaking.

For instance, different people have a different sense of how long one must pause to allow another person to speak. If one person expects people to talk over her, then she might not give anyone else a chance to speak, and so feel that no one is interested in what she is talking about, because no one is responding. On the other hand, another person might feel that she is hogging up all the time to speak because she won’t stop for a few seconds so they can chime in. Neither person is rude, they just don’t understand how the other person communicates.

There are many kinds of communication differences: How much space to give another person when talking, how direct or indirect one’s requests should be, what kind of touching is appropriate between people, how people should apologize, and how a conversation should begin. Instead of assuming others are “idiots”, perhaps we should try their kind of communication with them and see if they respond positively to it.

4. Respond Positively to Interactions
Every time we communicate with others, we may have as many as a hundred interactions with them in ten minutes. With everything people say to us, we are reacting—even if we think we are giving a neutral or a non-response. With every bit of communication, we either respond with them—on their side—against them or just ignoring them. In a positive relationship, up to 9 out of 10 responses will be positive. If even four out of ten of the responses one gives is offensive or ignoring the other, then the relationship is rapidly going downhill, and may never recover unless something is done.

A negative response to someone doesn’t mean that you can’t disagree with them. On the contrary, two people could be having a conflict, but their reactions are positive toward each other. It is HOW they disagree. If they keep the conversation upbeat, break the heavy discussion with humor sometimes, always show respect for the other person and the relationship, then even a conflict can be a positive relationship. However, if a conversation is characterized by biting sarcasm, insults, outbursts of anger, threats, treating the other like a child, or simply ignoring what another person says, then that conversation will tear down the relationship.

In loving others, we need to work on our communication, so we always try to respond positively. This does not mean just ending the conversation on an upbeat note, but trying to communicate in a positive way throughout the conversation. This can be difficult, and we can make many mistakes along the way, but with God’s help we can do it—even to those who have hurt us.

5. Find the True Meaning behind the Words
None of us means what we say. Most of our communication is a parable of what we really mean. We often ask “how are you?”, but we almost never are looking for a doctor’s diagnosis. A husband may say “I love you,” but not at that moment feel a surge of emotion for his wife. Our child may say, “I don’t feel good,” but they might just be emotionally hurt, not having a physical ailment. Even so, quite a bit of our words have meaning that is not stated directly in the words we used.

And it isn’t only words. I could say, “My mother in law is coming to visit,” and depending on the look on my face or my tone of voice, I would communicate to you whether I liked that idea or not. But if you didn’t understand my non verbal communication—you heard disgust in my voice when I was trying to communicate with my face happy anticipation—then we will get our wires crossed and spend time trying to unravel the miscommunication.

Or we might get into a conflict with another person, and we can argue about the silliest things—whether the sky is actually sky blue or not—whatever. But if we get into a conflict, often the conflict is not about what we are directly discussing. Perhaps the argument is about how one communicates. Or it could be about a long-held ideal or dream that hasn’t been communicated yet. And the conflict could go on eternally without resolution, because the true meaning of the conflict hasn’t yet been discussed.

If the person we are communicating with understands our indirect communication, fine, no problem. However, every time we use indirect communication, we are taking the chance that the other person might misunderstand. And then we don’t understand what they misunderstood because we communicated as clearly as we could—or so we thought.

We need to do our best to get behind the simple meaning of the words. And how do we do this? We ask. We tell the other person what they think they meant by a face or an argument, and give them a chance to explain in a different way.

6. Listen Carefully
Jesus told us that we must “Be careful how you listen.” It is never enough to just listen, but we must listen in a way that communicates. Even our listening communicates a reaction to what others say. And how we listen can either meet others needs or tear them down.

If we do not look like we are listening to the other person, then they think we are ignoring them and they are not important to us. One person may expect someone to look at her when she is talking, but her partner may need to look at the floor to concentrate. Even if he can repeat everything she said, she will still not feel listened to, but ignored. When listening, we need to show that we are interested, in the best way we can, in the way the person we are listening to understands.

We might ask questions, but not too many. We might make listening “noises” like “uh huh”, but not too often. We might nod, but not too excitedly. If we do not do these things enough, the other will think that we are ignoring them. But if we do these things too much, then the other person will think that we are not trying to listen, but to take over the conversation. We must find the right balance for each person.

The most important part of listening in love is two things: First, don’t be trying to force your agenda on the other person. Let them say what they need to say. Second, do your best to give them your full attention. Because we live in a society in which everyone feels that everyone is too busy to listen, this is the best gift that anyone can give.

(Thanks to the work of John M Gottman and Deborah Tannan)