Peace

To be at peace with others, we must seek peace within ourselves. To be at peace within ourselves, we must seek peace with others.  This is a mutual effort.  In seeking peace with others, they will (eventually) seek peace with us.  To welcome peace from others is to grant peace to both them and ourselves.  Caring peace is the reduction of negative stress in our relationships.  If we begin to listen to others, to resolve conflicts with all parties in mind, then the goal of peace can possibly be achieved.

Opposite: Harsh conflict, resolving conflict with only personal goals in mind.

Conflicts and relational stresses are inevitable.  Do we try to ignore conflicts, allowing them to fester, or do we approach them gently?  Do we manipulate people to try to get them to do what we want, or directly speak to issues?  Do we blow up at others and then hope they don’t bring it up again?  Or do we firmly but gently speak to the issues in our relationships, listening to others’ needs and then seeking to resolve them with both parties’ needs met?

Joy In Others

In ancient Scriptures, “joy” is an important value.  Some speak of the joy of creation, or the joy of gratitude.  But one aspect of joy that is often neglected is joy in others.  To rejoice in another is to have one’s heart leap when they appear, to take pleasure in conversing with them, to join with them in their personal joys.  Joy is not only a personal feeling, it is a communal sharing.  Joy is essential to love, for who wants a relationship to lack joy?

Opposite: Envy of other’s good fortune, negative response to another

Think of a person we dislike.  When we converse with that person, do we find our eyes avoiding them, our voice containing irritation, an attempt to get away from them?  How can we express a more positive interaction?  Now pick another person whom we neither especially love nor dislike.  When we think of them, do we focus on the things we especially enjoy about them?  What good things about others can we think about, without considering the negative?  If we meditate on the positive, then we can more easily express joy when we next see them.

Self Control

Our natural instinct is rarely the right actions to follow for other’s sake.  Our natural instinct is to love those who love us, but it is also to hurt those that we perceive as hurting us.  And maybe to hurt them a little more.  We may think with our desires and drives.  Self-control is taking time to consider the best course of action.  And loving self-control is considering what would be beneficial for another in a certain circumstance.  To love is to take time to think what is good for all, not just to react.

Opposite: To be impulsive and to defend that impulse no matter who we hurt.

Do we ever take time to really meditate about what others need or how we can help them?  Is love only something we do on impulse?  Are our impulses mostly self-serving or other-serving?  How can we create habits that would assist others on a regular basis?  

Appreciating Difference

At first this may seem like the opposite of “love your neighbor as yourself.”  While we may begin love by seeing others as ourselves, we mature in love by recognizing that others want similar things in different ways.  We all need food, but we can’t all eat the same food. We all want respect, but we may understand respect in different ways.  We all want to be loved, but we may understand love in different ways.  This is why God made most of us desire to be attached to the opposite sex—to learn that love is expressed through difference, as well as through similarity.

Opposite: Insisting that others’ needs will be met only in our way; rejecting others because of how they meet their needs.

Do we look at others as just extension of ourselves, or as unique people in their own right?  Do we see the solutions we found to our problems the only solution to that problem or one of a set of solutions that other’s might find helpful?  Do we manipulate people to take a certain path “for their own good” or give them the freedom to figure out what is good for themselves?  Do we command or advise?

Benevolence

In any relationship, it is seeing how we can benefit the other.  It is easy to see benevolence to feed the hungry or to house the homeless.  Benevolence, however, should taint every one of our relationships, every one of our conversations.  We can do good by listening to another, by making sure communication is safe for others,  by encouraging others in hope, by finding out what they actually need.  It is seeking to meet the needs of others, and we all have need.  Ultimately, benevolence is the core of love.  It is the seed from which true love grows.  By seeking the other’s need and trying to meet it, we can find ourselves.

Opposite: Seeking only to meet our own needs; being apathetic to other’s needs

In our relationships, are we focused on what we can get out of them, or what we can give in them?  Do we consider the needs of those we know?  Do we recognize signs of weakness in them, in order to assist them, or at least to empathize?  Do we seek help for those around us when they are in need, or do we just give pat answers and hope they will stop complaining?  Do we avoid weak people or seek ways to make them strong?  Ultimately, are our lives about meeting our own needs, or helping others to meet theirs?

Empathy

Empathy is to feel what another feels.  It is to step into another’s skin, to absorb their experiences and to have sympathy for both the joys and tragedies of another’s life.  Empathy is a natural, biological process for most people, allowing us to learn through other’s experience, to be like others, and to learn how to help others be like us.  

Opposite: To see other’s actions analytically, without feeling; to see other’s experiences as insignificant.

When I see someone in trouble, do I recognize that I could be in the same place, if circumstances were different?  Can I put myself in another’s place, recognizing that their feelings and sorrows and joys are the same as mine? Do I see myself in others around me and see them in me?  Do I see others for my own amusement or as tools to use for my own benefit?  Or do I recognize that we are all a part of each other, inseparable, no matter how we disagree or become angry with each other? 

Compassion

Compassion is to see a lack in others and to feel sorrow due to their lack.  Compassion sees needs, it gives room for weakness, it excuses actions done from pain.  Compassion can have its weakness, for it often will treat an adult like a child, or will sometimes shield from positive hurt.  But in its best form, compassion does not lessen the other person, but moves one to wise action.

Opposite: To judge others for their weakness, to be apathetic to another’s plight.

What is my first reaction to someone in weakness?  Do I tend to blame or to understand?  Do I reason in my mind ways to separate from them, to treat them as immoral or to be frustrated at their weakness?  Or do I take pity on their weakness?  Can I weep with those who weep?  Do I search for ways to comfort or to avoid the weak?

Relationship

In order to love we must be in connection with others.  To have any other deep values, we must first be in relationship.  We cannot live “just me and God” for God only grants grace to those in loving relationship to others.  A hermit is a spiritual cripple, for it is in the dirty rough-and-tumble of associating and being open to hurt that we learn the discipline of love.  It is good, at times, to retreat and escape the demands of relationship and to focus on who we are in God.  But this is not an end in itself, but a respite to prepare ourselves to associate, connect and care.

Do I have the tendency to isolate?  When I have a problem with others, do I run to a safe place, away from any other person?  Do I use my words to isolate, to separate myself from others, or to draw them into deeper relationship?  Am I afraid of others, of how they might hurt me and so use my non-verbal communication to warn people away from me?  Do I need to spend time with God to overcome fear and anger so I can relate to others as God would have me to?

Other-Consideration

Every being from the beginning of our individual life has no perspective but one’s own.  The only need is personal need, the only feelings are personal feelings, the only thoughts are personal thoughts.  Love begins by seeing another as the equal of oneself, having similar needs, similar feelings and similar thoughts.   If we recognize others as equal beings as ourselves, then we will grant them the same freedoms and respect that we expect ourselves.”

Opposite: To view another as less than human, to deny them equality with oneself.

Have we ever done something that we told ourselves, “Sure that would hurt us, but not that person   Do we ever consider others as less than ourselves?  Do we ignore the pain others feel because it “doesn’t matter”? Do we think that what we do to others is less than what they do to us?  Do we ever want to give back to another more pain than we received from them? Do we see others as being stronger than we and so able to handle greater burdens than we?  In what way do we see others as so different than ourselves that we don’t have to relate to them or care for them?

Apothecary of Love

To love others is to fulfill God’s highest law.  To love is to fulfill all the commandments.  To love is to be our highest selves.  To love is to be more than human, while not to love is to be less than human.  To love is to heal.  The world is sick.  It is in pain.  It groans under the weight of the burdens of suffering.  It is in anguish from carelessness, misunderstanding and prejudiced belief.  The medicine the world needs is love.  

But what is love?  Is love based in desire, or in giving?  Is love romantic, friendly or spiritual? Can it be all of these?  Love is the answer, but we often don’t want to know more about love than the fact that it is good.  For one person, love is sexual experience, for another it is giving illegal drugs for free.  Love is as misunderstood as it is lauded.

The one who first upheld love as a standard wasn’t John Lennon but Jesus.  Jesus said that all laws, all actions should be experienced through the filter of love.  He said that love was the ideal of God.  That love must be shared with all.  Surely Jesus knew what he meant by love. 

In this series we will see what the Bible says about love.  Love is healing, but it is not singular.  Rather, love is a medicine cabinet full of medications that will heal what ails you, what ails those around you.  But you do not apply one love to all wounds.  Each pain needs a different medicine. 

We will explore different dimensions of love, different ways of loving.  Each piece will be brief, but require much meditation to accomplish it.   Each will give an aspect of love, part of a whole.  We will attempt to give a definition, a Scripture, an antonym (for a definition isn’t complete until we know what something isn’t), and some questions for meditation.  If we spend a few minutes on love daily, we might know what it is, learning to live it out. 

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